I have struggled with my weight almost my entire life. Even as a child, I remember being overweight and consciously thinking that somehow it wasn't right. So, when we were 15, my sister Stacy and I talked our mom into letting us join Weight Watchers. Mom joined too and we all did well. We were motivated, we were pumped. We, Stacy and I, joined a gym. For the first time, I saw results that I liked. My self-confidence grew and I felt good. And I remember - that one day - when I hit the lowest weight I had ever been. I had lost 5 pounds that week and I was on top of the world.
And then life intruded. I was going out more and more with my new friends and it wasn't so easy to maintain the Weight Watchers lifestyle. Late night Taco Bell runs were not conducive to counting exchanges (as they were called back then). Going to the gym really didn't fit into my schedule anymore. Stacy, however, did not have this problem. She was so motivated that she even hired a personal trainer to help her and boy, did her efforts pay off. What I didn't know at the time was that Stacy already had a goal in mind. She was going to join the Air Force and she needed to be very healthy. She was and she looked great and felt great. I was so jealous.
So when Stacy went away, I was pretty much on my own. Needless to say, all my weight loss efforts went to the wayside and I didn't have another breakthrough until I was living in Florida and working for American Eagle Airlines. My job, you see, was to load and unload luggage in sweltering heat, torrential rain and freezing cold. I loved it. The best part of it was, I didn't have to make an effort to exercise and could eat whatever I wanted. I exercised 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and got paid for it. I looked smokin' hot and could even see my muscles in my arms and thighs. A first!
And then, I got pregnant. (I guess I was looking too good). So my weight loss efforts in the last 13 years have been iffy at best. I made some progress about 10 years ago but again, life intruded. So here I am, determined that this time it will be different and about to do the scariest thing I have ever done in my life. I am going to tell you my age and weight. I'll let you decide which one is which..............35.....................192.6.
I'll pause for the gasp and "Oh My God!" - go ahead, I'll wait.
I wondered why it was so scary to admit and realized that if I said it out loud, it must be true. So there it is, the truth about by weight. It's not pretty and is sure as hell scarier than any nightmare I have ever had.
I had a similar ephiphany in January. I came across my enlistment papers and it had my weight of 125 on them. Or maybe it was 121. I remember being that skinny and thinking those days are gone. But this time, when I came across those papers I thought "Why? Why CAN'T I weigh that much again? What am I waiting for? I am only getting older!" I realized that I always tried to lose it as fast as possible and after a week or two it was completely unsustainable. Actually it was unsustainable by bedtime on the first day! lol This time I took my total weight loss goal and divided it by 12. It was a much more realistic goal, and maybe even too easy! I am down 10 when I should be down 16 by the end of the month, but I think I can make it.
ReplyDeleteWhat I really wanted to tell you is that it is true, once you say something out loud, it becomes true, even if you already knew it in your head.
So in my attempt to support you because you are my dearest, bestest friend's sister, I will tell you my weight. 163.0 pounds as of this AM. My BMI is just over 27. I have 37 pounds to go.