Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

I've always prided myself on being honest with everyone. I don't lie. Ever. To anyone. Well, at least in my adult life. (There was the occasional lie to my parents when I was a teenager and sneaking out of the house with boys, but that's a whole different story entirely.) So, imagine my surprise with I discovered, recently, that I had been lying to the most important person in my life.

ME!!

I have been doing it for years. Deluding myself into thinking that my very own Mr. Darcy, looking very much like Colin Firth, would show up in his wet, white shirt, after a swim in his pond, declare his love for me and whisk me away to Pemberley where I wouldn't have to worry about cleaning the house, doing the laundry or cooking (all of which I can't stand to do). Suddenly, I would be thin, wouldn't have to worry about money ("Ten thousand a year"), car problems, work problems, or any the other things that keep me awake at night, tossing and turning in my bed. I could spend my days reading and walking about the countryside. And, most of all, I WOULD BE HAPPY. I blame Jane Austin.

Well, maybe I haven't always lied to myself as I've always known that only I can make my own happiness, while still secretly hoping my life was a Jane Austin novel.

But the fact of the matter is making my own happiness is too damn hard, or at least that was the excuse I gave myself. I would, first, have to look inside myself to find what would make me happy, while being afraid of what I would find if I looked too close. Second, I would have to stop procrastinating, being lazy and making excuses (my favorite things to do).

So, two things happened that made me start this blog. First, my Weight Watcher leader, Loretta, spoke about how tracking (or journaling) was a good way to be accountable for the things happen in our lives, whether victories or failures. We can look back and see what worked and what didn't. Second, I realized that since I don't lie to anyone, except myself, that if I put all the good, bad and ugly that is my life out for other people to read, then I couldn't lie to myself anymore.

So, here it is.........My Life.